Life with Phobia: EMDR Stages 1 & 2

EMDR stages 1 & 2 — we work on the phobia.

I let my intuition tell me the answers. First, which memory to explore, my intuition chooses one seemingly benign. Until it turns out it is not gentle nor kind nor harmless, it’s just that I’ve emotionally severed myself from the moment.

Next, what feelings are part of the memory? I’ve intellectualized it all so again, I let my intuition lead.

My intuition says, humiliation, terror, trapped. We discuss if ‘trapped’ is a core feeling, we decide, yes, it is.

Next, the core belief: I am unworthy of being protected, says my intuition.

My therapist then hands me a list of negative core beliefs, I cry immediately. I chose: I am unworthy & I am in danger.

My therapist hands me tissues, we slow down. We barely even speak of fish. We speak mostly of being humiliated.

I am simultaneously doing parts work without trying. I’m there with my 16 year old self.

My therapist asks, what positive core belief do you want to bring to this memory? My intuition, quicker than ever: I. Am. Special. I cry again.

I say, I never would have thought that’s what I want, to feel special. I cry again.

I thought I just wanted to feel seen. My therapist says, do you think feeling seen is feeling special?

I just wanted someone to protect me, I say.

My intuition is quiet, we’re on the same page.

Life with PhobiaNic Alea