9 of Pentacles - "Celebrating the Ways You've Learned to Survive"

A universal messed on healing - we know this and it is important to be affirmed: the process of healing does not come over night, it's a journey, a life long journey. We are constantly confronted by shadows past and present, we can become so overwhelmed that we need to take breaks, assess ourselves, talk to others before we can jump back into the deep waters of trauma healing. I speak a lot on trauma healing, not because I feel I'm some expert--I'm not, but it is a subject that flows through me at every possible moment, whether my own traumas or that of others and the world. Trauma work is delicate, to speak on our trauma(s) is terrifying. It's in our muscles, our cells, it's passed down from generation to generation, whether familial or culturally. To work with our shadows is what it means to be human. Some of us come into this life and decide -I'm gonna work on shadows this time around- and some of us come in -I'm not going to go into it- and either way is fine! But for those working on the deep healing - the 9 of Pentacles shows abundance and pay off after a journey of hardship. There's mood shifts, desperation, lack, diligent healing, putting the healing down for a bit before returning. The 9 is here to remind us that we can be fabulous amongst our healing, that we can attract decadence and abundance even when there's so much to do. The message on healing right now opens the door for celebrating yourself, celebrating the lengths you've gone to survive, celebrating the ways you've learned/are learning to care for yourself. Paint your lips your favorite color, dance to Green Light by lorde (or don't but really really do), eat a pizza, buy a lush bath bomb, do what makes you feel bright and colorful and honor the work you've done so far, you can come back in a minute to continue to strive for your highest good.

The Chariot - "You are the Wind..."

The Chariot is my life card, it coincides with my birthday and I do love seeing the Chariot pop up in readings. Confidant! Acceleration! Spiritual progress!

Today there is energy to create movement, today there is room to stretch our spines and stand tall, there is rushing wind and gusts of memories. We're in charge. We're in charge of ourselves.

I look around in my life and see the things I am "controlling" in a shadow way, in other words, the things I control when I feel not in control. I can't stand chaotic domestic environments, it's how I grew up and it's not how I want to live. But what if that control is actually negatively controlling? How do we balance what's too much control?

Our friend the Chariot is ruled by Cancer, some might think that the momentum of the Chariot is strange to be matched with sleepy cozy Cancer but actually, they are perfect together. When you feel good in your home life, does it help you feel confident reaching your outward (and inward) goals? When you feel like you're holding the reigns, how far and deep can you go? This card is deeply spiritual, this is a bold move into the celestial world; how do you connect spiritually? Whether that be through organized religion, divination, astrology, praying, spells, ritual.

I've had Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Winds" stuck in my head for two days when an Uber driver had smooth 90s playing. I think the titular line "you are the wind beneath my wings" reminds me of the Chariot. There's something fueling our movement, there's something that is so important that we are being pushed in the direction in alignment with our highest potential. In that case, I think we are our own wind. Our own lil heroes. 

This is not just a forward motion in the physical realm(Capricorn) but also a forward motion in the emotional realm(Cancer). What bold moves do you take in your life? How do you navigate the chaos? Can you let go of the shadow side of control? Come around the track like a speed racer, if you don't win, it's ok! You still got to feel the wind in your face, you still got to be part of something magical.

July 10 - "In a Dream You Saw a Way..."



Swords represent the mental plane, and in my opinion, swords are the most human of the four suits. I'm sitting here drinking my coffee thinking of all the ways my mind is bound up, either by my own mental (un)wellness or by the projections others bestow on me. It's challenging and scary to face the tip of the sword and say "I'm being kept down, I am in a state of chaos because the way I was raised, and the current ways I'm being treated." Swords have the ability for reflection: what is being mirrored to you right now?

The Nine of Swords can be a scary one. I don't know if anyone enjoys being woken by ghosts, I don't know if anyone enjoys the cruelty of nightmares. When our hands are bound, there's a reason: what's holding us in place here? What ways can we learn self soothing? When the Nine Reverses, we have caught on, we have started to recognize the ways oppression has tied the knots.

While shuffling, the Three of Wands popped out, we're starting to be able to see the bigger picture, there's a future. So many of us queers might not fully believe there's a future possible because of violence laid upon us, especially for queers who are black, POC, poor, disabled, trans, undocumented. What future can we hold in our hearts? Can potential feelings of warmth and love help us to melt the ropes that bind us to pain?

Oppression will exist in and out of us, but it can be soothed and cradled by community, friends, movement(mental, physical and/or emotional), dream journaling, healthy anxiety coping mechanisms, talk therapy, al-anon/ACA, singing, writing, communication and mental stimulation.

"In a dream you saw a way to survive and you were full of joy" -Jenny Holzer